June 1, 2010 
 HealingHeartPower Newsletter
 Reclaiming the Power of the Heart
In This Issue

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Last month's articles addressing bullying and related issues elicited both comments and resource sharing from readers.

Sunny Davidson wrote:

"I read your thought-provoking bullying piece with great interest and will pass it on to friends with children and grandchildren. I also appreciate your piece about the Boys to Men Initiative."

Another reader, Karen, wrote about Impact, a program that provides self-defense skills for kids and adults.

"It is an amazing program. I have been involved with the program in some capacity since 1992. I've taken courses, assistant taught, and helped train some of the muggers. Recently, I have had both of my kids take the program. For my son, I got his afterschool program to run it for 5th graders transitioning to middle school. My husband even took the program. He actually took it first, since he was mugged many years ago when we lived in Brookline. I had my daughter take it as a freshman entering high school. I will have her take the women's class before she goes to college."

Two articles in this month's newsletter continue to explore the themes of bullying and healing: and Moving Beyond Hurt and Anger: Vibrating Healing and Love.

Our May 23 EKP Community Clinic was well attended and meaningful. We are doing another EKP Community Clinic on Saturday, September 11 from 11 am - 5 pm in Newton. If you would like a session, contact LSMHEART@aol.com.

Tammy Robert, a member of the EKP community, is bringing EKP to RI, hosting a work shop in her Pawtucket home. We will be offering the workshop this fall. To attend, contact Tammy at tamzquest@yahoo.com.

There will be another 1/2 day EKP workshop, Healing and Nourishing Your Heart on Sunday, June 27 at Healing Moon in Norwood, MA.

At the March Keeping A Vital Heart workshop, the idea of inviting EKP community members to be "helping hands" in our EKP Community Clinic at the Spirit of Change Natural Living Expo in September emerged. If you would like to be part of our team of "helping hands" at the Expo, which will take place the last weekend in September, please let me know.

Michella has invited me to do a special program at the Expo on Making Peace With Money. In our challenging economic climate, this workshop has particular meaning. The workshop will take place on Sunday, September 26 from 1 - 3 pm.

In an effort to create more ways to connect with community members, dialogue and share ideas, I have created a new blog at HealingHeartPower.blogspot.com. Sign up for new posts and please add your thoughts to discussion threads.

You can also become a fan of HealingHeartPower on Facebook. By signing up to be a fan, you will be notified whenever a new blog post is published.

Your comments and feedback are always welcome!

Heartfully, Linda

 When Society Is A Bully

Last month I wrote about the tendency to "blame the victim" in our bullying culture. As I have continued to explore the roots of bullying, I have become more and more aware of how deeply engrained bullying is in the fabric of our society.

Exploring and talking about bullying does not make me popular, and can even make me the target of hostility and bullying-type behavior. For example, I have been told by other people as I have tried to explain what I am doing regarding anti-bullying work:

"When are you going to just stop being such a pain and stop trying to meet with people and just let things be?"

"Bullying has been around since the dawn of humanity. It is human nature and it is never going to change."

"If someone wants to avoid being bullied, they need to make a list of the things they are doing that might make them a target, and just stop doing them. If they don't stop, it is their own fault that they are bullied."

"Society expects you to conform and if you don't conform, it is your own fault that you are bullied."

My heart hurts whenever I hear these kinds of statements. Just because something has been around a long, long time, and perhaps ALWAYS, does not make it right. Just because human beings have bullied one another for a long time, does not mean that we should continue to allow bullying to be a norm in our culture.

There may be ways any individual can take steps to avoid being a target, but sadly, there are too many cases where one can be a target just for being the way one is. And there are parts of our identities that are the root of who we are. What kind of society do we live in if we are told we need to give up the core of who we are if we want to avoid violence? If one is black or gay or smart or tall or short or male or female, is it fair or right to be a target of bullying? If someone is angry or jealous or scared or stressed out, is it fair to inflict their pain and anger on another human being?

And the pressure to conform at all costs is an oppressive and bullying force itself. A huge part of maturing as a human being is to balance having a personally defined and meaningful sense of self with a respect for the social context we live in. Yes, we need to understand social norms and respect them in many circumstances. But, no, not all social norms are healthy (such as the norms of workaholism, living beyond ones means, accruing debt, eating junk foods and feeling so stressed out one cannot go to the bathroom when ones body calls.)

When teachers or parents or kids or community organizations try to confront and address a bullying problem, they are often met with bullying. A parent bullies a teacher for informing them that their child has been hurting other kids at school. "Who are you to be singling out my child?" yells the angry parent. "You're a wimp to be standing up for Johnny," chimes in Tommy, Johnny and the advocate's peer.

These kinds of attitudes push the fundamental problem underground and pass the bullying buck. Bully, bullied and bystander all suffer from our bullying culture. And EVERYONE needs to be engaged, mobilized and collaborate if we are going to build the awareness to take action and create new models to allow for cultural change.

The bullying issue is so polarized right now, that it is very difficult to dig deeper and see the forest from the trees. If a kid behaves badly, they may be expelled from school, but then what happens? Is the kid left to sit at home watching hours of television or playing hours of video games? Or does the kid then start loitering in the community at large, feeling isolated and bad about him/herself and then start getting into deeper trouble?

If someone is causing trouble, they are part of a troubled system. Kids who belong to gangs do not come from "stable, welcoming, emotionally literate homes." They are not loved and nurtured are home, so they look for belonging on the streets.

At a conference meeting I attended today, one of my colleagues made a very interesting point. Once, it was believed that kids who participate in high risk behaviors are more likely to have trouble with school. What's been recognized more recently is that kids who have trouble with school are more likely to engage in high risk behaviors. When we don't belong. When we feel lost and invisible. When we carry deeply buried pain or even contain pain just under the surface, things are not going to be okay.

As I have been working with a team of colleagues to help put together an bullying prevention conference on June 8, we've made a list of key messages we want people to understand about bullying and bullying prevention:

* Bullying is serious; it isn't just a right of passage for young people growing up. (And it doesn't end with youth either. It can continue throughout one's life if not addressed and taken seriously).

* Bullying has serious consequences for the bully, the bullied and the bystander. No one escapes the tentacles of our bullying society.

* Bystanders are key to fostering a climate of zero tolerance. We can't just stand by and ignore what is happening around us.

* Just because bullying has been around for generations (and perhaps millennia), does not mean: 1. it is or has ever been okay and 2. it needs to continue to be tolerated.

* Creating environments that hold people accountable to the harmony of community are essential. A great deal of tragedy take place when this kind of environment is lacking.

* Bullying prevention is part of an overall school climate. It is part of an overall cultural climate as well.

* Bullying is EVERYONE'S problem. It is a system issue and can only be solved systemically.

* Emotional literacy is at the root of safe relationships, safe schools and safe communities. Sadly, our culture suffers from a low EQ, and few models of emotional literacy are available or visible.

Albert Einstein commented that we can't use the thinking that created a problem to solve it. That is very much the case with the bullying mentality that has been normalized in our society. Until we can integrate heart with head, spirit with intellect, and self with other, we are at risk of suffering the painful separation that allows us to stand back from and remain numb to the bullying dynamic that really effects us all.

Each and every one of us can be part of the solution. And if we are going to overcome the bullying society, we all need to work together to find a different path.

2010 Linda Marks

Please share your thoughts... 

 Moving Beyond Hurt And Anger: Vibrating Healing and Love

Recently, a client asked me an interesting question. She was feeling lots of anger, and wondered how I might coach her to program herself to vibrate healing and love. As a software engineer, the idea of "programming oneself to vibrate healing and love," made a lot of sense as a framework for self-work.

Recognizing that human beings are electromagnetic generators, and that the heart is the strongest electromagnetic generator in the body, this task of programming oneself to vibrate healing and love makes a lot of sense.

We do emanate what we feel in our hearts and souls. That frequency goes out and can be palpably felt by thouse witin 8 - 10 feet of where we are located, and can be perceived in more subtle ways by those at greater distance.

The more grounded w are in the moment, our hearts and bodies, the more consciously we can manage our vibration. The safer we feel, and the more embodied we are, the more space we have to breathe, think, feel and generate what we want and care about.

Here are some coaching tips that might help you vibrate healing and love:

1. Honor the ways you are angry, what you are angry about, and go deeper to the root of your anger. What are ways you might feel hurt, invisible, or treated unfairly? See what you really need deep down inside and honor that. By both honoring your anger and the deeper roots underneath, you start honoring yourself and vibrating love to yourself.

2. Notice, attend to and honor the sensations you feel in your body. By noticing them, presencing them and attending to them, you bring more self-love to yourself and nurture your heart. If you are hurt, you are literally hearing your hurt at a heart level.

3. Focus on the vision of what you really want to create. Write it down. Draw it. Feel how you feel in your body when you think about and envision what you really want. Make a vision journal. Keep notes and read them daily. Review them weekly. Tune them monthly.

4. Make a list of people and places you'd like to vibrate love to. Vibrate love to them consciously and regularly.

5. When you hit obstacles, don't lose the vision. Honor the obstacles. Honor your feelings. Learn the lessons. And keep vibrating love towards the vision.

6. Get support whenever and wherever you need it. You don't have to do it all alone. And getting support is part of self-love.

7. When people do mean, thoughtless things, try not to take it personally, even if it impacts you personally. When people are not fully grounded, they operate in all kinds of ways that aren't right and don't work. Keep your vision on what is right and fair.

2010 Linda Marks

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 Empowering Schools, Communities and Families to Stop Bullying
 Conference on Tuesday, June 8 in Boston

Iraq Weedflower The Massachusetts Coalition of School-Based Health Centers is creating a very special forum to look at all aspects of bullying and bullying prevention.

Whether you are interested in the new law that passed in Massachusetts and what it means, or are interested in efforts that are taking place in schools, community organizations, law enforcement and the larger community, this conference will provide a forum to answer questions and learn about best practice efforts.

Bullying is a systems issue and impacts EVERYONE in a community. It has been around seemingly forever, but need not continue to be inevitable. Come be part of the solution!

For additional information, contact Nancy Carpenter at ncarpenter@mcsbhc.org or (617)988-2205.

Add your thoughts on: HealingHeartPower.blogspot.com

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 HealingHeartPower Calendar

Would you like to learn how to do EKP? Applications are being accepted for the 2010 EKP Apprenticeship Program. The apprenticeship group meets once a month for a weekend training session beginning in September 2010. For more information, contact LSMHEART@aol.com or call Linda at (617)965-7846.

If you would like to apprentice in EKP and get involved before September, you may want to consider participating in a half-day EKP workshop or a special seminar for current apprentices.

The Thursday night EKP Therapy Group has room for another member. If you would like to be part of a committed long-term group using EKP, this is a very special group. An interview and one EKP session are required to apply. Contact Linda if you are interested at LSMHEART@aol.com

Saturday, September 11 will be an EKP Clinic Day featuring free 60 minute EKP sessions facilitated by EKP apprentices. To sign up for a session, contact LSMHEART@aol.com.

EKP comes to Rhode Island this fall. "Healing and Nourishing Your Heart," will take place from 1 - 4 pm in Pawtucket. Contact Tammy Robert for more details tamzquest@yahoo.com.

Linda will be presenting "Healing and Nourishing Your Heart" at Healing Moon in Norwood on June 27. Contact Trish for more details. TheHealingMoon@aol.com.

On Wednesday, September 1, Linda will be giving a presentation for the Worcester Holistic Moms Network. The topic will be "What DO We Really Need?" For more information, contact egardner@charter.net.

Saturday, September 25 is the EKP Community Clinic at the Spirit of Change Expo in Sturbridge, MA.

On Sunday, September 26, Linda will be giving a special workshop on Making Peace With Money from 1 - 3 pm at the Spirit of Change Expo in Sturbridge.

If you are interested in being part of an on-going EKP group that meets once a month, let me know. We had run a Sunday EKP Process group for many years, and could consider forming another one, if there is interest. Whether your schedule is too busy for a weekly group, or you live far enough away that a monthly session is more sustainable, if a monthly group would best meet your needs, we can try to put one together.

EKP opportunities in Newton include:

  • Being a guest client in the Student Clinic
  • On-going Thursday night EKP Body Psychotherapy Group (which currently has a waiting list for new members)
  • Apprenticing in EKP

If you would like a Healing the Traumatized Heart workshop near you, or have a group of people who you would like to bring EKP to, please contact LSMHEART@aol.com.

To find out more.... 

 About Linda

Me and Flora Linda Marks, MSM, is pioneer in body psychotherapy who has developed, taught and practiced Emotional-Kinesthetic Psychotherapy (EKP) for more than two decades. Author of LIVING WITH VISION and HEALING THE WAR BETWEEN THE GENDERS, she co-founded the Massachusetts Association of Body Psychotherapists and Counseling Bodyworkers and is the founder of the Boston Area Sexuality and Spirituality Network. She holds degrees from Yale and MIT, and has a vital 14-year-old son.

To find out more about Linda... 


My first blog at www.heartspacecafe.com/blog will still be active, but it is built in forum software, which many people find more cumbersome to use than official "blog" software.

In an effort to cultivate more dialogue in more contemporarily relevant ways, my new blog at HealingHeartPower.blogspot.com is user friendly, and even something you can subscribe to.

Please let me know what you think of this new blog.