Happy New Year!
I find great meaning and
value in rituals. Having the opportunity to send you
this newsletter on the first day of every month, fresh
with new articles, resources and ideas, has become
a very special ritual for me.
I hope receiving it and reading it is becoming a
meaningful ritual for many of you.
This past month, thanks to the coaxing invitations of
friends and colleagues, I have been delving more
into on-line communities.
Thanks to Ode magazine, I learned about Zaadz,
which includes people interested in making a
difference in the world. And through a Zaadz friend
from CA named Arthur, I found my way to the
wonderful work of Robert Masters and Diane
Bardwell. Their message about Transformation
Through Intimacy spoke so deeply to me, that I
decided to bring them to Boston March 1 - 2,
2008,to share their gifts
with those in my immediate community. I sent out a
flyer about this workshop on December 30. And
there's a blurb about the workshop in this newsletter
Through Facebook, a writer colleague of mine
named Elaine Williams from New York state found
me, and introduced me to ezinearticles.com.
This is the premier site for online articles, based on
what I have researched, and I am delighted to be one
of their Platinum-level expert authors. Glad to
have another way to reach people in our internet
My ultimate goal is still to bring people together face-
to-face. There is no replacement for a loving glance,
a caring touch or a heartfelt conversation between
two human beings.
Participating in EKP events, at whatever level is right
for you, can provide a space of community, healing,
self-care and connection with like-minded others.
There are many ways to participate:
The EKP Student Clinic has gotten underway. We
are seeking clients for the
EKP Student Clinic beginning in April. If you
would like to experience free or low cost EKP
sessions, with third year apprentices, let me know.
I am still gathering people who are interested in
apprenticing in EKP. Once we have a critical mass,
the new 2008
apprentice group will begin their training. If
interested in studying EKP, please let me know.
The format will involve one weekend per month.
There are a few spaces left in the January 26,
Traumatized Heart Workshop in Newton. This
workshop can provide a great introduction to EKP for
a friend or
loved one, or a chance to tap in to the power of the
heart to replenish yourself.
On February 24, I'll be bringing an EKP workshop
Circles of Wisdom Bookstore in Andover, MA. You can
check the calendar at www.healingheartpower.com for
details and also visit www.circles of wisdom.org.
Articles in this issue include an offering from the more
personal of world,
Healing Frozen Pain,and a look at a societal
Man's Part-Time Best Friend: Hooking Up With A
And from the EKP community, I am delighted to share
Lisa Wexler's Beach Hearts work.
comments and contributions are welcome, as always.
Healing Frozen Pain
Touching the Heart of Our Hurt
Earlier this year, one of my apprentices gave me a
very interesting article by Gabriella Tal called "The
Nature of Hurt." Gabriela experienced a serious car
accident that left her paralyzed.
Her healing journey led her to the work of Peter
Levine, author of Waking the Tiger, who
helped her realize the power of the moment before
the car hit her.
Looking back at that moment, Gabriela told Peter, "I
should have run into the forest! I wish I had run."
"Run now!" Peter told her.
So, internally, Gabriela ran and ran. And in doing so
transformed the internal pain that came with the grief
and loss of the accident, and "the build-up of energy"
in her body from wishing she had run.
While emotional healing did not change her physical
paralysis, it lifted the burden of her emotional pain.
"Hurt is impact. Pain is reaction to the impact," writes
"Hurt is a moment. Pain is an impressioned lifetime
and beyond. Hurt is transcendable. Pain clutches us
and holds us, even as--particularly as--we purify our
lives and m ove into more healthy choices. Hurt may
be physical or of the mind. Pain is always of the
The distinction Gabriela makes here between "hurt" and
"pain" is a very powerful one. So often, in the face of
hurt, we freeze, we shut down. We become a deer in
the headlights of the magnitude of the impact. The hurt
becomes an emotional trauma. And when left alone
with the hurt and the impact of the hurt, we become the
bearers of frozen pain.
I have experienced this myself countless times. The
loss of a loved one creates heart-wrenching pain.
And to have to bear this hurt alone creates a
downward spiral of pain. My heart feels like a knife is
stabbing me on the inside and outside.
clutching a pillow close to my chest, where the pain
is, cannot comfort or contain the stabbing feeling. I
find myself unable to sleep, unable to relax, unable to
do much more than curl up into a ball and breathe,
trying to survive the hurt and pain.
Though I have a deep heart, and a strong body and
spirit, there are times the sense of loss or grief can
overload my circuitry, and what results is frozen pain.
What a difference it makes when I have a caring friend
or loved one there who can open their arms and hold
me. In the safety of their embrace, I can cry, I can
scream, I can writhe, and I can release the pain.
In EKP, we provide a safe place to find, to access and to
melt through frozen pain. Beginning with the stabbing
feeling in the chest or the shortness of breath that
provides a protective layer over the stabbing pain, we
can provide support for the front and back of the heart,
and create the space to connect with the memory and
the experience of hurt that led to the pain.
The hands on the front and back of the chest, can
provide the message, "you are not alone," and in
receiving that message, we gain the access to the hurt,
to the tears, to the frozen pain.
As the hands safely hold the front and back of the heart,
the tears can flow, the sobbing can go deep, and with
the tears and the sounds that come with them, the pain
can melt and evaporate.
The comforting message of the hands--of support, of
connection, of care--replaces the isolation, the
aloneness that led to the burden of the frozen pain. And
emotional healing can begin.
In an ideal world, it would be great to catch the hurt and
release it before it gets stuck as it lingers, becoming
frozen pain. The greater our emotional literacy, the
more we can become "magical strangers" to each other,
recognizing the power of a safe and caring embrace to
release the hurt in the moment, and prevent the
This kind of embrace illustrates the importance of face-
to-face relating in our increasingly virtual world. An
understanding friend in cyberspace can help release
some of the tears. Yet, a chain of e-mails is not nearly
as sensorily complete and a physical embrace.
So, it is a great wonder of being human that throught the
wisdom of the heart and body we can still gain access to
a moment of past hurt--whether the past was just a
matter of moments or a matter of years. And once
accessed, grounded and supported, a long-held burden
can truly melt away.
Share your thoughts:
"Man's Part-Time Best Friend"
Hooking Up With a Dog
In our crazybusy, "no time for a committed
relationship" culture, the need to draw time and
emotional boundaries has extended into our
relationships with even man's best friend. An article
in the December 17 Boston Globe featured a story
about a new company "that plans to rent dogs to
Bostonians willing to pay steep fees for a canine
friend without worry of a commitment."
Consider this a "canine escort service," where the
increasingly self-centered professional pays for a "time
share" in some doggie's schedule. A weekend doggie
date, if you will, for long-walks along the beach, and
some cuddly companionship on the sofa or in the
While FlexPetz, the dog rental service, bills itself as
'an unique alternative to full-time pet ownership,"
some local animal rights groups and animal
behaviorists beg to disagree. In our disposable
society, now even our four-legged companions
become disposable. Dogs, just like people, do far
better in a stable, committed environment than a
revolving door of narcissistic part-time animal
I remember when people used to say, "skip the
boyfriend or girlfriend...get a dog," when the fear of
emotional involvement, time or commitment reared its
ugly head. Now it's, "skip the long-term relationship...go
casual" even on the animal frontier.
FlexPetz's president and CEO reported, "the dogs often
come from shelters and are specially selected for
temperaments that can withstand the weekly uprooting."
Is this akin to saying foster children are specially
selected from temperaments that allow them to adapt
when moved from home to home?
Having seen "The Kite Runner," I can surely see the
resilience of the human spirit and the remarkable ability
to survive and even work with even the most adversive
living conditions. But why contribute to that
environment? Why pitch in to the cultural disconnect
that makes all things relational commodified,
expendable, something to pick up and discard at whim?
I would rather see the dog-hungry urban professional
visiting Buddy Dog or the MSPCA and taking their
charges for a Saturday stroll. Why make a profit on
something that could be done as community service,
with just as much emotional reward? And donate the
foregone rental fee to pay for dog food?
Or better yet, put some time into human relationships,
and find a friend or two with whom you can "share" the
responsibilities of caring for a canine? or feline? It
takes a village for most anything these days. Can we
resurrect a bit of the village in place of the commercial
structures that take the village's place?
I sit reflecting my thoughts, with Flora, our Birman cat,
perched on my left shoulder, Querido, our Siamese
kitten stretching on my printer, and Toss, our former feral
Buddy Dog rescue cat sacked out on a nearby chair.
Golden our English lab is crying, reminding me that
instead of writing about dogs, it is time to take him
outside for his turn! Better heed the hound!
Please share your vision and your thoughts on the HeartSpaceCafe Blog website...
by Lisa Wexler
I have loved the ocean and beaches for many years.
Like many people, I like to walk along the shores of
beaches and find treasures. These treasures are
usually in the form of shells and/or stone.
Around 2002, when a relationship had ended, I started
creating little hearts out of clay. This led to putting some
of these hearts out into sand on beaches as a ritual of
letting go of the person I was involved with. It was also
a way of healing and opening up my heart again.
What messages do I want to give others with my
hearts? That healing is a real and necessary thing.
That we need to find ways to express what is in our
hearts and to feel what is in our hearts. That we
need to find rituals and forms of expression to grow
and to heal. That we can use touch stones/hearts,
and other three-dimensional objects to speak to us
and for us to hold almost like transitional objects...that
can be inspirational.
I like the fact that when I work with clay, I begin with the
heart. It may end up being formed into something else,
but I like to begin with what, to me, is the most important
part of us, the heart.
The heart speaks to us all of the time, and we need to
listen to our hearts and to the hearts of others. I like how
in being rooted in the heart, that this is the foundation
and basis for everything.
What we feel gives us information that we need to grow
and navigate our lives. The symbol of the heart says so
You can contact Lisa at firstname.lastname@example.org.
P.S. from Linda: I am very grateful that Lisa gifted me
with one of her beautiful beach hearts, and we are now
using it as a talking object in EKP groups!
To see the schedule for upcoming EKP Programs...
Upcoming Groups, Workshops and Programs
Linda will be leading a workshop at First Event
in Andover, MA the weekend of January 18 - 20.
January 26: Healing the Traumatized Heart
Introductory Workshop in Newton. 1- 4 pm.
February 24: Healing the Traumatized Heart
Workshop at Circles of Wisdom Bookstore in
Andover, MA. 1 - 4 pm.
March 1 - 2 is the Transformation Through
Intimacy Workshop with Robert Masters and
Diane Bardwell in Newton, MA.
If you are interested in doing core level healing and
growth work to deep your most important
relationships and/or attract a truly sustainable
relationship into your life, please consider being part
of this very special, one time event.
The workshop is limited to 14 participants. The fee is
usually $700 for this program, but because I have
donated the workshop space and room and board for
Robert and Diane, the fee is $475. I wanted to make
this amazing work more accessible to those in my
Write to me at LSMHEART@aol.com if you are
interested in being part of this program.
EKP opportunities in Newton include:
- Being a guest client in the Student Clinic
- Apprenticing in EKP
- On-going Thursday night EKP Body
- On-going Sunday EKP Monthly Process
To find out more....
The Boston Area Sexuality and Spirituality Network
programs for the 2007-2008 season are posted on