February 14, 2007 
 HealingHeartPower Newsletter
 Reclaiming the Power of the Heart
In This Issue

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As my son prepared his Valentines for all of his classmates in his 5th grade class, I thought it would be nice if I sent out a special Valentine to everyone in my own community.

In the February HealingHeartPower newsletter, I wrote about how nice it would be if Valentine's day was truly "heart day"--a day to celebrate and embrace the power of the heart. So, this year, I am deciding to honor it as such. And in that spirit, here is my Valentine to you. I would like to share with you a special quote that I've had posted on the wall above my bed for a number of years, since my mentor of 17 years, Bob DeIulio died.

"'Love and connection are the ultimate healers.' I strive to have love and connection in all my relationships. I will continue to be loving and seek connection with everyone in my presence, to the best of my ability in each moment. I will get back on track quickly when I lose sight of love as my goal, making amends as necessary. I will love myself as fully as I love others."

"In the grand scheme of things on this planet, there is nothing more important than love. All the things we get angry or depressed about don't matter so much when love is our priority. As our friends and loved ones die, we realize just how important they are to us. Let's let them know it while they're alive. Let's not get so stuck on differences and resentments that we forget how important our loved ones are."

Thank you for being part of my community. May today be a truly heartfull day.

Heartfully, Linda

 Heart Space Cafe Blog

My webmaster, Dan Murphy, has installed new blog software on www.heartspacecafe.com, so if you register as a site member, you can receive my posts to the site blog, and send your own posts as well for an interactive dialogue.

To register, just go to www.heartspacecafe/blog/ and click on "register" to create your own user identity. Once registation information is complete, click "login," enter the name and password you just set-up and you'll be on the board.

Since this is a new medium for me, I will be working with Dan to determine how best to use it and format it. To be able to participate in the interactive dialogue, you will need to be registered on the site.

Heart Space Cafe Blog 

 Sustaining Heart Connection
 Emotional Echolocation

This past week, as I was listening to my clients, I found myself thinking a lot about how much people want to feel emotionally connected, yet how hard it is for many people to sustain emotional connection over time. Why is it so hard to sustain emotional connection in daily life?

If we have the luxury of going away for a couple weeks to a lush tropical paradise, far away from the demands of our day to day lives, finding the time, space and emotional energy to nurture our intimate relationships may seem far more attainable.

But after the vacation is over, the demands of daily life return, and the emotional connection we worked so hard to cultivate may get lost in the shuffle too easily. One of my clients reflected a profound thought on this topic. "I'm not good at emotional multi-tasking," he said. "I can only focus my emotional energy intensely in one place at a time. If I try to bifurcate my emotional energy, it is exhausting."

"Emotional multi-tasking." Wow! What an interesting way to think about what we are asked to do in our lives, if we are to maintain close relationships, take good care of ourselves, and work in the world.

So many people I know throw all of their emotional energy into one place. And that place is often their work. Once that could have been said primarily about men, given society's "male job description" of being professionally successful and making money to provide for his family. But in today's world, the same can be said for just as many women as men. Somehow, our culture encourages, if not demands, that people put a huge amount of their emotional energy into their work, to be successful, but sometimes, even just to survive.

When they come home at the end of the day, they are emotionally spent, with nothing left for themselves or anyone else in their lives. Their loved ones feel their absence. And when this happens day after day, it creates a black hole in the relationship--an emotional void that is painful, impenetrable and very disempowering.

The emotionally spent loved one may still care about their partner, but they lack emotional space or energy to invest in the connection with their partner. As a result, their partner may feel disconnected, abandoned, or not important, and may even question the sincerity of their emotionally unavailable partner's words, "but I love you." Trust breaks down. Too easily, the partners become two ships that pass in the night. The relationship begins to erode, and can feel painful for both partners.

As I reflected on this dilemma, I found myself thinking about whales, and their system of echolocation. Through echolocation, a kind of energetic resonance or frequency--a vibration of sound emitted by one whale and perceived by another, whales can travel great distances, yet stay connected to one another. It is as though that sound frequency maintains a heart-to-heart connection, that holds, soothes and reassures both whales, so they feel the relational connection between one another no matter where they go. And they feel it energetically, through the vibration of sound.

I realized that people need a kind of emotional echolocation with one another too. Intellectualizing, "well, he or she loves me," only goes so far. If you don't feel it in your body or heart, in time, disconnection arises. We need something tangible to feel connected. And when one partner's entire emotional and intellectual focus goes into their work, the heart frequency seems to resonate on a different, non-relational level.

If we can learn to emotionally multi-task, so we can keep some of our emotional focus on maintaining our close connections, even as we put needed energy into work or worldly projects, perhaps we can maintain more of a sense of emotional echolocation with one another.

Simple gestures can help. The 5 minute phone call just to touch in. The quick e-mail just to say "hi." Or even the voicemail, giving the chance for a partner just to hear your voice. Those may be human ways to similate the special sounds the whales send out to maintain connection over distance, space and time. Maybe this is why people say, "It's so nice just to hear your voice." Perhaps, hearing the voice of a loved one does resonate with the depths of the heart, and offer a sense of reassurance, safety and sustained connection.

Being in intimate relationship is both vulnerable and nourishing. So, I think it is important we realize and honor that we need a sustained sense of connection to be able to stay open, vulnerable and even passionately strong. I guess we can really learn a lesson or two from the whales!

Find out more.... 

 Upcoming Workshops and On-going Groups

The Healing the Traumatized Heart retreat at Kripalu in Lenox, MA March 16 - 18 promises to be a meaningful and enriching weekend of healing. Come be in community and embrace the power of your heart!
For more information or to register, go to www.kripalu.org.

The Tuesday Night EKP Body Psychotherapy Group seeks both male and female members. This therapy group provides a safe and sacred space to do your deepest healing and growth work with others in a committed group. We meet from 7:15 - 9:45 pm in Newton.
To apply contact LSMHEART@aol.com or call (617)965-7846
An interview/one EKP session are required to apply for a space in the group.

Other EKP opportunities include:
  • On-going Thursday night EKP Body Psychotherapy Group
  • Monthly EKP Process Group
  • Being A Guest Client With the EKP Apprentices
  • The Money Class: A Six Week Coaching Class

    • For more information on any of these programs, contact LSMHEART@aol.com.

      Find out more.... 

 About Linda
 Body Psychotherapy and Coaching for Individuals, Couples and Groups

Linda Marks, MSM, is pioneer in body psychotherapy who has developed, taught and practiced Emotional-Kinesthetic Psychotherapy (EKP) for 22 years. Author of LIVING WITH VISION and HEALING THE WAR BETWEEN THE GENDERS, she co-founded the Massachusetts Association of Body Psychotherapists and Counseling Bodyworkers and is the founder of the Boston Area Sexuality and Spirituality Network. She holds degrees from Yale and MIT, and has a vital 11-year-old son.

To find out more about Linda.... 

You may also want to visit www.sexspirit.net to see the wonderful programs the Boston Area Sexuality and Spirituality Network has put together for 2007!