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As my son prepared his Valentines for
all of his
classmates in his 5th grade class, I thought it
would be nice if I sent out a special Valentine to
everyone in my own community.
In the February HealingHeartPower
newsletter, I
wrote about how nice it would be if Valentine's day
was truly "heart day"--a day to celebrate and
embrace the power of the heart. So, this year, I am
deciding to honor it as such. And in that spirit,
here is my Valentine to you. I would like to share
with you a special quote that I've had posted on the
wall above my bed for a number of years, since my
mentor of 17 years, Bob DeIulio died.
"'Love and connection are the
ultimate healers.' I
strive to have love and connection in all my
relationships. I will continue to be loving and
seek connection with everyone in my presence, to the
best of my ability in each moment. I will get back
on track quickly when I lose sight of love as my
goal, making amends as necessary. I will love
myself as fully as I love others."
"In the grand scheme of things on
this planet, there
is nothing more important than love. All the things
we get angry or depressed about don't matter so much
when love is our priority. As our friends and loved
ones die, we realize just how important they are to
us. Let's let them know it while they're alive. Let's not get so stuck
on differences and
resentments that we forget how important our loved
ones are."
Thank you for being part of my
community. May today
be a truly heartfull day.
Heartfully,
Linda
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Heart Space Cafe Blog
 My webmaster, Dan Murphy, has installed new blog
software on www.heartspacecafe.com, so if you
register as a site member, you can receive my posts
to the site blog, and send your own posts as well
for an interactive dialogue.
To register, just go to www.heartspacecafe/blog/ and
click on "register" to create your own user
identity. Once registation information is complete,
click "login," enter the name and password you just
set-up and you'll be on the board.
Since this is a new medium for me, I will be working
with Dan to determine how best to use it and format
it. To be able to participate in the interactive
dialogue, you will need to be registered on the site.
Heart
Space Cafe Blog
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Sustaining Heart Connection
Emotional Echolocation
This past week, as I was listening to my clients, I
found myself thinking a lot about how much people
want to feel emotionally connected, yet how hard it
is for many people to sustain emotional connection
over time. Why is it so hard to sustain emotional
connection in daily life?
If we have the luxury of going away for a couple
weeks to a lush tropical paradise, far away from the
demands of our day to day lives, finding the time,
space and emotional energy to nurture our intimate
relationships may seem far more attainable.
But after the vacation is over, the demands of daily
life return, and the emotional connection we worked
so hard to cultivate may get lost in the shuffle too
easily. One of my clients reflected a profound
thought on this topic. "I'm not good at emotional
multi-tasking," he said. "I can only focus my
emotional energy intensely in one place at a time. If I try to
bifurcate my emotional energy, it is
exhausting."
"Emotional multi-tasking." Wow! What an
interesting way to think about what we are asked to
do in our lives, if we are to maintain close
relationships, take good care of ourselves, and work
in the world.
So many people I know throw all of their emotional
energy into one place. And that place is often
their work. Once that could have been said
primarily about men, given society's "male job
description" of being professionally successful and
making money to provide for his family. But in
today's world, the same can be said for just as many
women as men. Somehow, our culture encourages, if
not demands, that people put a huge amount of their
emotional energy into their work, to be successful,
but sometimes, even just to survive.
When they come home at the end of the day, they are
emotionally spent, with nothing left for themselves
or anyone else in their lives. Their loved ones
feel their absence. And when this happens day
after day, it creates a black hole in the
relationship--an emotional void that is painful,
impenetrable and very disempowering.
The emotionally spent loved one may still care about
their partner, but they lack emotional space or
energy to invest in the connection with their
partner. As a result, their partner may feel
disconnected, abandoned, or not important, and may
even question the sincerity of their emotionally
unavailable partner's words, "but I love you." Trust breaks down. Too
easily, the partners become
two ships that pass in the night. The relationship
begins to erode, and can feel painful for both partners.
As I reflected on this dilemma, I found myself
thinking about whales, and their system of echolocation.
Through
echolocation, a kind
of energetic resonance or frequency--a vibration of
sound emitted by one whale and perceived by another,
whales can travel great distances, yet stay
connected to one another. It is as though that
sound frequency maintains a heart-to-heart
connection, that holds, soothes and reassures both
whales, so they feel the relational connection
between one another no matter where they go. And
they feel it energetically, through the vibration of
sound.
I realized that people need a kind of emotional
echolocation with one another too. Intellectualizing, "well, he or she
loves me," only
goes so far. If you don't feel it in your body or
heart, in time, disconnection arises. We need
something tangible to feel connected. And when one
partner's entire emotional and intellectual focus
goes into their work, the heart frequency seems to
resonate on a different, non-relational level.
If we can learn to emotionally multi-task, so we can
keep some of our emotional focus on maintaining our
close connections, even as we put needed energy into
work or worldly projects, perhaps we can maintain
more of a sense of emotional echolocation
with one
another.
Simple gestures can help. The 5 minute phone call
just to touch in. The quick e-mail just to say
"hi." Or even the voicemail, giving the chance for
a partner just to hear your voice. Those may be
human ways to similate the special sounds the whales
send out to maintain connection over distance, space
and time. Maybe this is why people say, "It's so
nice just to hear your voice." Perhaps, hearing the
voice of a loved one does resonate with the depths
of the heart, and offer a sense of reassurance,
safety and sustained connection.
Being in intimate relationship is both vulnerable
and nourishing. So, I think it is important we
realize and honor that we need a sustained sense of
connection to be able to stay open, vulnerable and
even passionately strong. I guess we can really
learn a lesson or two from the whales!
Find
out more....
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You may also want to visit
www.sexspirit.net to see the wonderful programs the Boston Area
Sexuality and Spirituality Network has put together for 2007!
Heartfully,
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